Celebrating Phyllis's life

Eulogy delivered by Ev Pettigrew at Phyllis's funeral
Yea, Victoria
Friday 11 November 2005

My name is Evelyn Pettigrew. I am Phyllis’s youngest. My sisters and brother have asked me to share Mum’s story with you today.

What I thought most appropriate was to seek to describe, to the grandchildren and greatgrandchildren here with us, the story of a true countrywoman of the twentieth century.

Some of you have come remarkable distances to be here today, and we thank you for so honouring Mum.

As we talk about Phyllis’s life we can see how different her world was, when she was young, compared with now.

Her horizons were set by how far a horse could take her and her friends in a day, by what their own imaginations and resources could conjure up as shared pleasures.

Let’s take a moment... to look back at the great if simple riches of that time. ... Sister ... Mum... Grandma... Great-Grandma... Friend – Phyllis. What a remarkable woman.

Phyllis was the first of the ten children of Ada and William Draper. She was born here, in Yea, in 1907. Phyllis grew up on the family farm, ‘Pine Grove’ in Glenburn. Went to school of course — but Phyllis milked six cows first and walked four miles (that’s seven kilometres today) to get to school. Sometimes if she was lucky, she would ride ‘four-up’ on a pony with cousins or brothers and sisters.

Phyllis left school when she was twelve — she was needed at home to help her mother with the expanding family. She spent her teens and beyond tending babies and children. Phyllis was 18 when Gray, the youngest of her brothers and sisters, was born. It would have been Gray’s 80th birthday yesterday, but sadly Gray died in August this year. It is special that we have Mum’s two remaining sisters, Linda and Estelle, here with us today.

At home, we children heard many stories about life at Pine Grove — stories told with affection about a home in which the parents worked hard to support a large family. These were our “Pine Grove Stories”:— full of giant melons and boxes of apples from their own orchard, of buggy trips to Melbourne, not in a day, but stopping overnight at the hotel in Yarra Glen, of trips in the Cobb & Co coach over the mountains from Yarra Glen to Toolangi.

Phyllis

was a keen and excellent horse rider. The horse was then the main means of transport. Mum told us tales of riding to dances, with her sisters — their dresses and shoes packed in a box and tied to the saddle. Riding out in the evening to Flowerdale, Murrindindi or Kinglake. A ride of as much as 20 kms to get there, a 40 km round trip, under the evening stars, along bush tracks. What adventure!

Mum loved picnics all her life. Photos capture her with groups of friends and cousins: days out on horseback, enjoying the forest, chatting while the billy boiled.

She was a devoted sister. Younger brothers and sisters said she was like a second mother to them. Mum sustained contact with her brothers and sisters and their families as they married and moved away from Pine Grove. Phyllis was keen to see family gatherings and reunions... maintaining her role as a caring, responsible eldest until recent times.

In her early 20s, Mum worked for several years in Melbourne, as a companion for a blind woman of similar age. Friendships with that family were alive long after. I remember happy meetings in Melbourne when I was young.

From Ada, her mother, Mum acquired an extraordinary love of the garden and of roses in particular. She shared this gift with all her sisters and passed it on to us, her children. Many of the roses here today come from our gardens. Returning home from her brother Bill’s funeral at this time of year some years ago, she remarked “I would like to die in November. The roses are best then.”

One very special “Pine Grove Story” Mum liked to tell us was of spying through the garden fence on a new lad, whose family had moved into a neighbouring farm.

He was visiting Pine Grove to get milk from the dairy. “He’s too young,” she told her sisters, “You can have him!”

This, of course, was the dashing Doug Morgan... yes five years younger and a bit of a lad. Estelle tells me that they thought Doug was courting Myra.

In time, however, Phyllis became the object of his affection. They were married in 1938, after a five year engagement. They set up home at Craigmore and in succession arrived Marg, Rob, Hannah, Judy and myself.

Phyllis and Doug were a strong partnership. She ran the home and worked beside Doug in the early days of marriage, continuing to help with farm work as much as possible as the babies arrived. These were long hard hours of work — caring for home and children, the garden, the poultry and some of the milking ... as well as seasonal farm tasks, such as feeding tiny lambs and large shearers.

Jude, our sister, is in Xian, in China, teaching English and loving it... She was here in August to celebrate Mum’s 98th. Jude writes to mention that the chooks discovered Mum was a mean one with an axe. She goes on:

Life was not always easy. Money was scarce at times. Mum sewed our clothes, darned our socks, made jams and pickles — and, each year, filled a huge cupboard with jars of preserved fruit and vegetables. .. Dad killed the sheep, and Mum with cooking magic made use of the lot in the kitchen – even making our soap, using the fat.

A very very resourceful woman. She practised sustainability long before that term was coined in the 1980s. We learned from Mum that you could do that — you could be resourceful, you could live frugally... and still produce wonderful,wholesome food.

We ALL remember her for her wonderful food. Mum loved to take us and our friends up the paddock for a ‘chop picnic’. What she could do with chops strung on a single piece of wire over a stick fire challenges any fancy modern barbecue’s performance.

She spent winter evenings playing cards or board games with us in front of the open fire, or reading us stories. As we grew up, Mum respected decisions we made, even if she did not agree... and, if necessary, she was there to pick up the pieces. ...

Phyllis had an enviable Christian faith and was an Elder of this church. She worked hard for the church and for the Red Cross. One of the grandchildren has reminded us that in her 80s Mum was still working with Meals on Wheels. This was not just something she did with organisations. We grew up knowing our door was open to those in need.

My daughters, in thinking of Mum this week, focused especially on the way, when their dad died, Mum came straight to us and was just there --- my Mum, their grandma was there, utterly reliable, aged 86.......

Though I've spoken of Mum's world as early defined by
the distance a horse could ride, she came to Canada in 1973
when Andy and I had our first child, Bindi

and later joined us in Spain, too.

Phyllis supported Doug in his active involvement in politics, the local race club and the Yea Agricultural Show. At the show, she assisted with the catering and contributed to the entries, especially the flower section. Despite keen competition from the likes of Dr Charles and Clyde Tratford, she has several medallions from the Rose Society for her champion blooms.

Mum and Dad were such a duo. We, the children, wondered how Mum would cope after dad’s death in 1970. We need not have worried. Mum built a house in Raglan Street, here in town, where she made a home for herself and her widowed aunt... our great aunt Amie. Here, in her 60s, Mum established a magnificent garden, breaking the hard, gravelly soil with a mattock.

Being in town allowed her to contribute more to the community and (especially) to actively support the hospital and the building of the hostel. She was a fundraiser for Rosebank and a volunteer in various ways. Soon after her 90th birthday Mum became a resident of Rosebank. The loving care Phyllis received there from staff and from other residents will always be appreciated by us, her family.

Phyllis lived a life of selfless devotion to family and community. She was always positive and as Estelle her sister said to me the other day: “She didn’t know how to grizzle.”

We will remember her tending her garden, playing cards; cooking great food – and eating at her beautifully set table, sharing a picnic, chatting with neighbours and friends. We will remember the lovely letters she sent us when we were far away and the way she offered us a tipple of sherry as we grew up: “Would you like a drink, dear?”

So,grandchildren and great-grandchildren.... Maybe this portrait of a country woman has helped you reflect on the threads weaving down the generations...

You may see things in yourselves and each other which come down from her. She showed us how to love, how to value family and community and she showed us the importance of simple pleasures. Her recipes are in our recipe books; we take from her a love of the land, of fine cloth and china and a picnic in the bush. When you delight in these things, reflect on this inheritance.

Like this friend, we today have no sense of when grieving will grab us in days and months to come. When grief grabs, we will know that the woman we have lost has left us great memories, great attributes and fine examples for our own lives.

This family photo was taken at Phyllis's 80th birthday celebration in 1987.
There are photos taken on Phyllis's 98th birthday, August 2005, beginning here.