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Saturday 15 September
...for the photos on this page, we are deeply indebted
to Denis and Gregory Strangman, who produced them swiftly from the video they
made at the funeral and emailed them to me straight away. Marg Strangman, wife
of Denis, and mother of Gregory, was not able to be present, having been taken
from her family by the same kind of brain tumour as our Margaret three months
earlier. The history of the Strangman family's struggle and great love, can
be found here.
We had a lovely funeral for Margaret yesterday afternoon. The sky was clear, the air still, the temperature pleasantly crisp. There were spring blossoms to be seen across the cemetery..
I had had apprehensions that having prepared some procedure, and wordy things to say, while myself presiding over the event, I might be talking just to a few. But as we came down the road towards the cemetery, there were cars crossing from the other side and a stream of vehicles crossing the bridge over Woden Creek to the entrance. The car park was full, there were people we had not seen for 5, 10, 15, 20 years walking up the hill, and more cars parked at the top, near the grave, and a lovely crowd gathering:
The hearse was waiting near the gate.
When we were gathered by the grave, the hearse drove up the hill to a point
30 metres from the grave,
and Simon, my son (Margaret's stepson), our three children, Nick, Liz and Cat, and two children of Margaret's sister Mary, Alex and Felicity, gathered by the hearse. The women attendants from White Lady Funerals invited the crowd to make a path for Margaret to be carried through. They laid a path of petals, and to music played by the Maastricht Salon Orchestra, Margaret was carried to the grave. Nick's son Sean held his hand.
Sean, Nick, Liz [Felicity unseen behind her], attendant,
Alex, attendant [Cat obscured behind her], Simon.
I first made remarks (drawn from this email) about the wider grief arising from the terrorist attacks on New York and Washington and the grim international outlook, as Margaret would have wished. I thanked the children who had carried Margaret to the grave, and said of them that Margaret and I were proud of them and she felt able to die, knowing they were grown up and successful in their personal lives. I thanked them for all the support they had given us during the period of Margaret's illness.
I then made introductory remarks and spoke of Margaret, her ideals and how she wanted the funeral to be (text here).
We then had a couple of pieces of music with a minute of silence between, to remember happy times..
Margaret's sister Mary then spoke, providing a history of Margaret's formative years in Perth. Here is the text.
with her husband Paul at her side
and Mary asked Margaret's school friend, Ros Dalziell to read
Gerald Manley Hopkins's poem "Spring
and Fall: to a young child".
Andrea Hull, Margaret's bridesmaid (together with Mary) of 1974, spoke, among warm memories of how this funeral resembled the way our wedding was held in 1974.
Margaret Fleming, Margaret's companion in establishing the ACT Montessori school system 20 years ago, and more recently in the education program of the ACT Historical Places, had spent hours with Margaret last week, before going overseas; her husband Michael spoke on her behalf.
Then our daughter Liz spoke as a daughter...
...also reading a message from Stephen and Peter,
from the ambassador's residence in Stockholm,
Stephen able to describe Margaret has her mother, Joy's, daughter.
"Which country is Stephen accredited to?" she whispered to me.
With the help of Stephen's parents Geoff and Sue, in the crowd, we listed
Sweden, Finland, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia and Iceland...
Mary and Paul's eldest, Alex, spoke, reading a message from
John Wilson,
on hehalf of Margaret and Mary's mother's relatives, the Wilson family in Perth.
Jocelyn Beardmore [junior], wife of Russell, daughter in law of Jocelyn Beardmore née Gray, spoke on behalf of Margaret's Gray family cousins, who, like John Wilson, were prevented from attending by the collapse of the airline Ansett. Jocelyn said fine things about the "Gray women" as the strongest women she had met.
My sister Frances Gollan and my brother Warren spoke, and said beautiful things about Margaret.
Harriet Elvin, Director of the ACT Government's Cultural Facilities
Corporation,
spoke on behalf of Margaret's work colleagues.
Nicholas, our eldest, spoke with thanks for many things.
Rachel Robbins read a poem she had written (in the back of her
PhD student's notebook) for Margaret,
and oh how nice it was to see so many young friends of Margaret and our family,
among all our wrinkles!.
For Margaret
[written by Rachel, 28 August, two weeks before Margaret's death]
Death
as a dream
& I was afraid of sleeping
& you give
with such grace
& let us share
your life
I'd like to pretend
you're not dying
as we all are
slowly
& every choice we make
might take us there
So to live gladly
& love abundently
& accept death
Thank you.
Then I spoke of Margaret's last days (text
here)
and the positive affirmations about life she was making to the end,
losing my voice a bit here and there, Catherine hastening to my side...
And then Catherine spoke of her private moments with Margaret,
shortly before Margaret died:
"...I told her that she was a mother, a wife,
but mostly an individual; herself - strong, amazing -
wanted but free to go whenever she felt ready."
(I had then come back to join Catherine last Sunday at the bedside, and Margaret
left us.)
Then Cat read Margaret's affirmations (text here) as Margaret was lowered into the grave.
after which we threw flowers into the grave, while cheerful, romantic music played, as directed by Margaret.
Sam, the faithful poodle, had been there with us, held by Andrea and Graham's daugher Clea...
Thank you all for making it a perfect celebration of such a life...
